Went to the doctors today. Turns out I have “Abdominal Adiposity”!

A very common disease that millions affects millions of Americans every year! I think, God willing, I can overcome this!

Keep eating, I mean laughing, people!


I just asked our CEO if she could keep the meeting to a “tight 10”!

Oh, and is anyone hiring?

Keep laughing, people!

On Friday, the 28th July, I will be performing at the TakeOut Comedy Club in SoHo! Journalists from the Hong Kong Economic Times will be there for an article about my life as “The Stand Up Banker!”

Come along and laugh your “assets” off! I will also be announcing that I finally had plastic surgery! You need to come to the show to find out what I had done!

Message me for tickets!

And, of course, keep laughing!

Wow. I’m 55! Yeah, 55! I can’t believe it! It’s like, one day you’re 26 getting drunk every night, eating junk food at Taco Bell at 3AM and waking up with a hangover! And then, BAM! You’re 55, getting drunk every night, eating junk food at Ebeneezer’s at 3AM and waking up with a hangover!

I’m 55, and I’ve been married for 16 years!! I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!! And my wife behind me slightly pushing me towards it.

I’m 55! I can’t even look at a 20 something woman with nice cleavage without curling up in fetal position and weeping. By the way, I’m banned from Hooters for that.

The Japanese have amazing sex robots. There’s a new one. You can set it to RESIST!!!

The most polite, well dressed, reserved people on the planet want a RESIST setting!

Then It occurred to me! Perhaps they’re sooooo polite that they want to think their having sex with their wife!!!

You know? Stay away. You’re gross. Stop. Please. Stop.

Clever people!

I need stronger support from my team! Men that can represent me. So please welcome to my administration Vincent Scaramucci, Frank Manganana, Tony Tuttelini, Carmine Ragastini, Alfredo Tagliatucci and Bobby “Quick Trigger” Piscaponi!

You can’t make this stuff up!

After a huge Dim Sum lunch, I was walking back to my office with a colleague!

He said to me “Well, Anthony, you look very………………….. healthy! And you know, research shows that “thin” people are more at risk of illness than overweight people!”

Well, thank you! I will keep that in mind! You’re so kind for sharing!!!